Don't let me get me
by lilpunkrockerboy3
Summary: oK i am sick and tired of girls making up there own girl character to live out their fantasy with their fav. character. I like the idea of a girl coming to castle rock so I am writing a story about a girl with a troubled life and past who moves to castle
1. Chapter 1

''Don't let me get me''

Chapter 1 Packing Jeans

Ah where should I start? Well at the beginning I guess. Well ya know this is the beginning. No really it it. This is my new beginning wether I like it or not.

My parents have been fighting since I was just a kid. By the time I was ten my dad had decided he'd had enough of counseling, fighting, and of Mom. It hurt her in more ways than you know. At the time no one had gotten a divorce and I don't think Mom thought that Dad would be the one to leave.

Up until now my Dad had never maintained a suitable place to live. And because of a series of unfortunate events involving academic staff at my school, my parents had decided it would ultimately be better if I went to live with dad for a while. What don't look at me like that, maybe I don't want to tell why I am leaving to live with my dad.

So anyway here I am in my room packing my things for when I leave today. My brother Jay and I haven't been separated for more than a couple of days, so he is taking it pretty hard. We both are.

'' Here'' Jay says, handing me a stack or his jeans, button-down shirts and t-shirts

'' So you can have some real clothes while your down there.'' Jay said.

I reply with a smile and grab the clothes. Jay has always been the only person to understand and encourage everything that I have done. Jay isn't just my brother but he is also my best friend as well. We have always been each others support system.

'' Take care of yourself big sis.'' Jay said.

'' I will. You too.'' I replied.

I set Jays clothes down and embraced him in a hug. For the rest of the time Jay just watched as I packed. We didn't say anything. Probably because either there wasn't anything to say or there was just to much and it was to painful to begin and not be able to finish.

A few moments later my mom came in and set a stack of skirts and blouses on my bed. She didn't acknowledge me but actually just left the room. Not making eye contact with me at all.

'' I don't see why she makes you pack them when she damn well knows that your not going to wear them.'' Jay said

'' She is holding out for the day I lose my brain and give up''. I replied.

Jay and I briefly laughed at my joke but stopped quickly probably because we knew it was about time for me to go to the airport. Jay helped me pack my things in the car mom didn't want Jay coming for the ride. Even if she did I don't think Jay would want to come. It only make it harder to say goodbye.

'' Tonya we are going get in the car.'' my mother said in a monotone voice.

'' I think that is the most she has said to you since the fight.'' Jay joked.

'' Take care Jay'' I said as I embraced him into one last hug.

'' I love you Tony. Stay out of trouble'' he replied

'' I will bye''

Mom started the care and began to drive away. I decided that I didn't want to turnaround and watch my brother and what I used to call home disappear. The car ride was silent. My mom didn't say anything. I think you could find more laughing in a graveyard. All I could do is look out the window and daydream.

I remember the day this all began. I was in the girls locker room at L.A. public high school. I was washing my face when I took notice that all of the other girls were eyeing me and making fun of me more than usual. Could they just be making fun of how I look again.

No that couldn't be it, then it hit me. My face became more pale than the fated tiles that were falling off the locker room walls. Then some tall skinny girl with long brunette hair comes up to me. I recognized her she was one of the cheerleading bitches what did she want.

'' Tonya. I'm sorry. I mean Tony, I am so happy you got that A in biology. Do you think you could help me with your study habits. I'm failing spanish.'' she said

My face went from a pale green to a fire engine red. I clenched my teeth tightened my fist and I socked that bitch. Then I grabbed that bitch by the hair and started beating the crap out of her.

All the rest is a montage of my mother yelling at me and the principle expelling me. By the time I had finished my flash back we had already arrived at the airport.

After we had gotten through costumes, mom waited with me at my gate. I didn't know what to do or say. These last couple of weeks have been the first time in my life I have been speechless. Except for when my parents were still fighting. But usually I'm shooting my mouth off to people.

'' All passengers for Oregon may enter the plain.'' The guy on the inter calm said

I stood up and grabbed my carry one bag. I turned and faced my my mother. I felt so awkward. I didn't know what to do. But I didn't need to decide mom had embraced me into a very tight hug. I faintly patted her back. Still not sure wether I was going to miss her or not.

'' Take care of yourself while your over there.'' She said still keeping a straight face.

'' I will.'' I replied.

I tucked my platinum blonde hair behind my right ear and grabbed my bag. It's weird, here I am walking down this hall. I am leaving. I wont be able to go to Jay when I'm upset. I will not only not be able to talk to mom but also I wont be able to see the disappointed look on her face when she is debating with herself to yell at me or not.

As I took my seat on the plain I looked out the window. As we took off I saw the airport shrink into the city of L.A. which shrunk into L.A. county until everything and everyone shrunk almost to the point of being insignificant. It's weird leaving someplace which has always seemed larger than life to you and now seeing that it wont play a role in life any longer.

Then it hit me. I was leaving L.A.. Every rumor, every stereotype, and every label that was on me was now gone. I was going to Castle Rock, Oregon. But now

on the plain in between these two worlds the one I was apart of and the one I am going to be apart of. I was now non existent in both places and it felt good.


	2. Chapter 2

Don't let Me Get Me 

Ch. 2 Bad Trip

It must have been a long flight because at some point I drifted off into sleep. I had suddenly found myself at our old apartment. The one we lived in before my parents had gotten their divorce.

I saw my parents they were fighting. I could hear their voices echoing in my head. Like voices traveling through the mountains and I was the avolanch that was going to stop.

'' Stop it.'' I cried.

'' I hate you both of you. Look at what you are doing to your children.'' I pointed to my brother and a younger version of myself holding each other.

'' Look at what you have done to me'' I said

At this climax point in my dream, I was awoken by an old lady across from me on the plane.

'' Are you ok young lady'' She asked.

'' Ya. I was just having a bad dream.'' I replied.

'' Well you better buckle up we are about to land'' She explained.

I nodded at the old lady and I buckled my seat belt. I was surprised that the old lady even bothered, most people don't even acknowledge me because of what I usually wear.

As we began to land I could feel the pressure of the force of the plane pushing on my body. We had finally landed in my new home. When I stood up I felt as light as a feather. The pressure was gone.

As I was coming off the plane with my bag, I began searching for my dad among the faces in the crowd. A familer face was glancing at me. He was wearing jeans and a jean jacket with a blue backwards cap. It looked like he hadn't shaved in days.

This couldn't be my father he seemed to eager to see me. Mind you I haven't seen my father in a couple of years. H e started to walk twords me.

''How was your flight?'' He asked in a happy but partly disappointed tone.

'' I slept through most of it.'' I replied not returning the same feelings.

'' Come lets go grab your bags'' He implied.

It felt awkward. I didn't know what to do I couldn't act normal. Here I am with a man I haven't seen in years and I truly don't care to see him now. If my dad had been so eager to see me why didn't he ever come to visit me.

My dad had grabbed my bags and signaled to the follow him. As we walked outside I put my bag down so I could take my sweater from my waste and put it on.

My dad stopped to wait for me. I could tell he was looking at me from the corner of my eye. I could tell he was looking at my choice of clothing. I know he wasn't expecting me to look like a debutant but I don't think he expected my too look like a guy with a ponytail from behind.

When we got to the car dad grabbed my bags and put them in the trunk, while I settled myself in the front passenger seat. Dads car seameda little old and run down, but hey I guess it works.

Dad closed the trunk and came around to the other side of the car and got in. He put the keys into the egnition and started the car.

'' So how is Jay doing?'' he asked attempting to strike a conversation.

'' He is ok.''

'' What grade is he in now?'' Still persueing a conversation.

'' He is in 8th grade.'' I replied still resisting conversation.

'' So then that makes you a…''

'' Freshman.'' I interrupted.

'' Ok.'' Dad said giving up.

He turned on the radio, which did eleviate some of the awkwardness. It was a long drive to Castle Rock from the airport. All I did was look out the window. I was getting in an even worse mood because I felt guilty for being rude to dad. How do parents do that?

Here I am with a man who hasn't bothered to make any contact with me and somehow I wind up feeling guilty for resenting him. But I will tell you right now there is no way I am apologizing.

Eventually I started to see houses in the scenery. I was happy, happy I had almost made it. I started to get notious and wanted out of the car. After 15 more minutes had passed we had made it into town. I was so glad to know that soon I would be out of this car.

''Are you hungry?'' Dad asked.

'' Ya. I guess so.'' I replied.

''There is a little dinner up here, we can stop at that.'' He said as he was turning into the parking lot.

When I got out of the car, felt a little dizzy. The car ride had made me fee\l tired as well, but at least I was out of that car now. Da was in front of me as we were walking to the dinner. It looked pretty busy. It was about noon Sunday, everyone was probably eating over at the dinner after they had gotten out of the church service.

Dad opened the door for me as we entered the dinner. All the walls looked worn out and were probably at one time white but now they were a light brownish yellow. T he hostess greeted us and lead us to our table.

After she had gotten us settled at our table, Dad said he was gonna go to the restroom to wash up. I truly didn't want dad to leave me alone at the table. I didn't know anyone so it wasn't like I could juts talk to someone I'm not in a friend making mood.

As I was sitting and waiting for dad to come back, some guy comes out of nowhere and knocks right into our table causing my water glass to tip over and let out all the water out onto the table.

'' Shit. Oh I'm so sorry.'' The guy said grabbing some napkins.

''It's ok'' I reply even though truly I felt of course this would happen to me.

The guy looked about my age he had short sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. He was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. He actually did seem to be sorry. I felt bad for being a little pissed.

''I really am sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going'' He explained.

'' No really it's fine. It's juts water.'' I replied being sincere this time.

'' Here let me …'' Began until a girl grabbed him.

'' Who is your friend chrissie'' she said with 3 guys accompanying her.

I could tell already that I didn't like this girl at all. Seemed like one of those girls that I would get in a fight with in the girls locker room.

'' I don't know I juts met her.'' Chris explained.

''Well let me ask you sweat heart are you getting ready for halloween or are you just to poor to buy some real clothes.'' She said to me.

I could tell that this comment made chris uncomfortable. I could Brake that redheaded bitch but I think I am going to let her off the hook. I'm to tired for this right now.

'' You know I could come up with a really good comeback right now but I think I should show you some sympathy.'' I replied.

'' Why would you do that?'' she asked taking her hands off of chris.

'' Why wouldn't I? I mean it must be frustrating for you to know that your anorexia isn't paying off.'' I replied.

Chris and his friends began to laugh amongst each other. Her face became more red than her hair. She turned to the guys and they falsely contained there laughter.

'' Come lets go Chrissie.'' She says grabbing chris buy the shirt.

'' Oh hm I'll see ya later ok.'' Chris said to me.

As dad came up to the table I got up and began to walk.

'' Can we juts go home I lost my appetite all the sudden.'' I said walking out of the dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

''Don't let Me Get Me''

Ch.3 What is called home

When we got home I just wanted to go to my room, but Dad felt he had to give me a tour of the house.

'' Ok this is the kitchen and over there down the hall is the bathroom and then the t.v. room is here and then come with me upstairs.'' Dad explained.

It was a very worn down house. There were clothes everywhere, it looked like dad hadn't cleaned in a while. I almost felt embarrassed for dad. The stairs were squeaking and noisy all the way up them. Once we had made it to the top of the stairs dad opened a door to a very dark room.

'' This is your room'' Dad said turning the lights on. ''Sorry it's kinda messy. I didn't have time to clean everything up before you arrived.'' He said.

Truly the house looked like he didn't even make an effert to clean it at all. I kinda felt sorry for dad, but then I got over it because I realized that I live here to now.

'' So I'll just leave you here to unpack your stuff. I'll be down stairs if you need me'' Dad said and then left the room.

I sat down on my bed and then I looked around at the room. It was a very plain yellow. Over in the upper corner of the wall next to the window there was some sort of brown yellow liquid fungus seeping through the cracks in the.

I looked over at the clock it said 6:05 and since it was December it was already dark outside. I laid down on my bed to daydream. I heard thunder outside and eventually I could hear the sound of rain drops hit the roof of the house.

Some people would be upset if it rained on a day like today. But it didn't bother, but it didn't bother me it actually brought comfort to me, the thought of it raining on someone else parade sounded good right now. It was not the best day of my life but at least the rain set the mood and I was now in the comfort of my own room and that protected me.

I decided to get up and unpack. But before I could unpack I decided that I would clean the room first. I picked up all the newspapers up off the floor. I threw some away in the wastebasket and then I kept the some of the ones with cool pictures on them. I folded those ones and left them on the bed. I found some old rags under my bed so I used those to dry the floor where the drops of water leaked from the ceiling.

There was an old rolled up rug in the corner between the door way and the wall with the slide door closet. I grabbed it and unrolled it in the middle of the room. That way the floor wouldn't keep getting wet from the rain drops. I also think the rug made the room seem more warm and homey.

Then I began to unpack my bag. I unzipped my bag and started laying out my things on the bed. I sorted everything in piles. My brother's jeans, then my brother's shirts, and then random things like pictures my scrapbook journal thing and my jewelry.

After I had finished laying out my things on my bed I decided to go downstairs to go get a glass of water. I as I entered the kitchen dad was putting food in the refridgerater. Apparently he went shopping for food while I was in my room unpacking.

'' Hey Tonya come here. I got you some T.V. dinners I thought you'd be hungry since we didn't eat at the dinner.'' Dad said holding one of the dinners.

'' No that's ok I just came down to get a glass of water.'' I replied.

'' Oh well they are here if you ever get hungry.'' He said

'' Ok.'' I replied.

I walked back upstairs into my room and then I grabbed my clothes and hung the mall in the closet. After I had finished that I began to put up all of my pictures from home my old friends, some pictures of Jay and I, and of course our old family portrait.

Then I sat on my bed and opened my scrapbook. I looked throught the pages that I had already filled and then I cut some pictures out of the newspapers and glued them into it. I didn't want to go to school the next day I just wanted to stay in my room and pretend that I didn't exist.


End file.
